Shine on, you crazy diamond

Really? I'm not even sure. Tempers rise, defense is taken, things get left unsaid. What is really important anymore? Is it time or quality? And what if you're not getting either? I wish I weren't so high-maintenance, maybe then I'd be more understanding. Or maybe I need to find my own things to do. Maybe I didn't sign up for this. Maybe, I just expected something different. And expectations are the killer - we should just lay it all on the line before we start. Listen, so and so, I expect this from you, can you deliver? No, ok, I'm out. Yes, well, then lets start something. And it's easy to forget about the little things, 4 years in and you are just going about your business. You don't remember to do those little things that made the start so special, and the other person is to blame too. It's no ones fault, but who's to stop the madness and make things right before it goes too far. You? him? All I know now is that I miss the run-jump-hug. The gazelle. All the time we took for ourselves. Maybe things always get like this, with all couples, and I'm just taking it too hard. But I miss the old us, with our tight bond and the love that outshone all the diamonds in the world. Why did it have to fade? Can we get it back?

Jump Start

Quick, does anyone have some jumper cables I can borrow? No, my car is just fine. It's me; I'm the one in need of a jump start.

That herb garden I want to build - hasn't been done, except for an idea of what I want. Those paints in your closet that have been packed away since *GASP* November! when I moved in - untouched. That cute little chalk board that I saw on a blog that I have coveted and want to make for myself - just a twinkle in my eye. The Florida room needs new curtains, paint and some rearranging - that I need help with, but it still needs to be done.

I can't figure out why I can't get myself going. Do I need my own space to create? Does the dreaded TV suck me in and steal my ambition?

I'm gonna start with making goals for myself and writing them here, out in the world, so that I have to follow through.

First, let's start with making a space to do these things. Once the Florida room is finished I will get an art table in there to keep my things and create a space for myself. Next, let's make that chalk board so I can write down what my next project will be and keep me focused.

That's enough for now - I will keep you posted on how things are going and report back here. I'll even post pictures of my projects and keep the blog updated.
This should be fun!

Positive Vibrations

My energy as of late has not been positive. I'm not exactly sure what's caused this shift from very high to kinda low, but I have to remember to keep a positive outlook on everything. It's easy to get caught up in the "He didn't do this," "she does this," "I can't believe this happened" thoughts that spin in my head.
When I was younger I used to read books of positive affirmations; just little sayings that are supposed to lift your spirits. Some days I would read pages of the books until I found one that fit, other days I would read the first page I opened to and keep that affirmation for the day. I haven't done this in years (although, I still do own these books), but i think it's time to whip them out.
I think I forget that positive thoughts breed a positive outlook and create a good energy in your world.
I'm in need of some reinforcement now, because really, who wants to be around a whiner? And that's how I feel right now. boo hoo.

Jive Turkey

So, you thought I forgot about you guys, right? Never! It's just that I've been BUSY. Moving, packing, cleaning. yuck. I hope I never have to do that again. ever. again.
But on to the recap of my life:
I live with Mike now. I haven't officially unpacked everything, but I'm close. It's good so far. Real good. Being close to him & Sunny. Having someone cook for me, rub my feet and be an all around sweet heart. (maybe I shoulda thought of this sooner)
I met my new "nephew" over the weekend. Felicia & Kenny brought the cutest, most chill baby boy into the world. Congrats to them and hopefully I will be back soon to hang with him again. I love those cute little pudgy, droopy knees.
My mother has moved in with her "ex". yikes. If he hurts her again I will grab my brother & his guns and go to Connecticut and kill him. that is all I have to say.
Work has been hella busy, which is good. I love looking up at the clock to find out it's lunch time and then again when it's almost time to go. I hope this momentum keeps going.
My friend "Roxy" has found out she has fibroids and cysts on her girl parts. My thoughts and prayers go out to her as I wish her a full, uneventful recovery. And if you haven't been to your lady doctor for your yearly physical, you should go - annual check-ups would have prevented the onslaught of ER bills and the pain it has caused her. Just saying.
Thursday is Turkey Day and I plan to spend it with my family & Mike's. I'm sure it will be a fun-filled day. I know I have lots to be thankful for. I really do understand how lucky this girl is.
Gobble, gobble. Happy Thanksgiving!

Moving on...over

To a deluxe house down the street.
Yep, that's right folks, you heard it here first. I'm moving into Mike's house. Me, Mikey and Sunny - all one happy family.
I have to admit it though, at first I was less than excited about it. I still have my apprehensions, don't get me wrong. I'm leaving my little piece of SoFla and renting it out, to have who knows what done to it, and moving in with my boyfriend of 3 years. I guess in the grand scheme of things I at least didn't jump into the situation. I waited and thought it through and (hopefully) have made a logical/correct decision of it.
I guess you'll never know until you try. I know myself. I know that I have the biggest fear of commitment a girl can have. But I do truly love Micheal; he makes me happy, I love our dog, I love being with them both and I want to have someone to come home to at the end of the day. I guess I'm ready for the next honest step. Not just "playing house" really, truly giving myself to someone.
Yikes! Did I just say that. I'm making a commitment to someone. Our things will now mingle with one another. Our DVDs will co-habitat, our laundry will be done together (speaking of that, we need a bigger hamper); our worlds will collide.
And you know what...I think I'm ready for that.

Oh Dear!

Dear Handbag Designers,
Not all woman like to carry luggage around. Some of us like small purses. Can you please accommodate us little people?
It would be appreciated,
Lexilou

Dear Barrier Reef,
You guys rock. You pulled through when I was just about to give up on my tank. Thanks for making it less costly for me. The fishies are happy. And so am I.
Swim free,
Lexilou

Dear Doves & Phoenix,
You guys rock. Thanks for making such awesome music. You've given me lots of great music for the summer. (Even if it's not your new music, but old music I stumbled upon.)
Your adoring fan,
Lexilou

Dear magical elves that live in my brain and help me be creative,
I need you right now. Please pull through for me. This project is kinda important.
With much hope,
Lexilou

Dear Hillary with 2 L's,
I like your blog, your sense of humor is spot on. Ever since I read your last post yesterday I've been walking around saying to myself "Dear so & so...", is that weird?
I hope you don't mind me borrowing your post style.
Your fellow blogger,
Lexilou

http://doublethelplease.blogspot.com/

The Secrets That We Keep

Everyone has their secrets, some have more than others. Some people choose to keep secrets from themselves, others from lovers and friends. I like to think that I don't have that many secrets, I like to lay it all on the line and let people take me for what I'm worth.
I have a friend though, let's call her Annie, who keeps secrets from everyone. She'll tell one person part of the story and another person another part of the story. She doesn't think we'll get together and discuss it and find out the whole truth by pasting our segments together. What I want to know is - WHY? We're best friends - the people you should be able to trust with how you live you life. But you aren't telling us the real you. You're hiding from us and deceiving us and sometimes yourself. Why cause yourself all this trouble by creating an "alternate you" and then fretting over it. It must be exhausting trying to remember who you told what to, and what you have to omit from the other conversations.
Just make it easy on yourself Annie, tell people how you feel, be honest with them and maybe they'll trust you a little more. You won't truly find what you're searching for in life until you do this...and I think that's long way off. Sorry to say it, you have some work to do girl.

If I weren't going to be stuck in the office all alone...

These are the bands I'd see at Coachella:
Friday -
FRANZ FERDINAND
Silversun Pickups
M.Ward

Saturday-
THIEVERY CORPORATION
Band of Horses
Fleet Foxes
Blitzen trapper
TRV$DJ-AM (just to see what they sound like)

Sunday-
The Cure
Paul Weller!!
Groove Armada
Roni Size!

And to make matters worse, my other coworker will be in Costa Rica.
I'll definitely be daydreaming about far-away places! I'm SO Jealous.

The Grass is Green Over Here

I like my life. I love my boyfriend, my dog, my family & my friends. (My job is o.k. too.) Everything is going great and I'm taking it all in and appreciating every last bit of it. Thank you world for delivering me happiness right now. I do appreciate it.
And just in case you haven't seen it yet...this is hilarious!

Remember When?

Remember when you were young and the only thing mattered were your friends (and getting good grades, of course.) You goofed around in a no-holds-bar kind of way. Something, as you grow older, seems to slip away. I have to admit, I miss that. I miss my friends being that rock all the time. Don't get me wrong, if there was ever a problem my girls would be there for me in a heartbeat. But as we grow older we get married, or have a significant other that takes our time and maybe those issues you used to dish about goes to them. They become that ever-lasting ear that listens and your friends get the leftovers that you don't mind repeating. Hopefully the man you're with is a best friend also - but there is nothing in life like the feeling you get when you spend some quality time with your BF. Just laughing, chatting, goofing around; enjoying each other and taking the harshness out of the day. I need some of that. And, maybe, I need to be honest about how I'm feeling.

It's an Obama Nation!

So, this post is long overdue; I guess life has gotten a bit too busy lately.
For the first time in my life I've cared about politics, about the state of the world and I've done something about it. I donated to the campaign, I've rallied round my candidate and I am VERY PROUD to say: Obama is our new president!!!!! It speaks volumes about the people of the U.S. and what they have come to realize. We are the greatest nation in the world, filled with wonderful, talented people who want our kids & the future of our planet and our lives to be what we have imagined since we were children. We want better education, better overall welfare for every human, a system of government that gets us back to when things were "Made in the U.S.A.." I truly believe that Obama sees the things we need, is willing to listen and make the choices to get our nation back on track. I know he's only one man and can't do everything he may have promised us, but he is a great man who got millions of people to rally around his dream and believe in ourselves again. I really hope he continues to provide us with great hope for ourselves and for our new government.

ADD? Or do you not interest me?

I've noticed myself, more and more, drifting into other thoughts while people are involved in a conversation with me. It doesn't matter who's talking, I start thinking about what I'm going to wear to work tomorrow, what to make for dinner tonight, whether or not I my hair looks good. I'd like to think I don't have a attention deficit issue but...
Maybe all those bad things I did when I was younger have taken their toll on my precious little peanut.

Feeling disconnected

I'm not sure what it is with me. Am I out of touch with my friends? Am I being a bitch or too sensitive that I feel like we don't see eye-to-eye right now? I feel like I have no place with my friends. I may just be jealous. I have no boyfriend and I'm not sharing my friends well. Two of them are getting closer and I feel pushed aside. Maybe like I'll get replaced. and I know that they both love me but...it doesn't take this feeling away.
I am trying to figure out my feelings right now with everything and I feel lost. With my friends and with myself. I'm not quite sure how to deal with this because everything was going so good with my life and now I feel disconnected. The person I feel closest to is the one that I'm pushing away even though I love him. Why am I so ass-backwards?

I want...

I want a man who is confident in himself, but not cocky.
I want a man who will tell me "When I hear this song, it reminds me of you."
I want someone who can can cook.
Someone who takes care of himself and his life.
Someone who loves to stay in, make dinner and watch a movie as much as he likes to go out for a night on the town.
I want someone who is nice and sweet and creative and athletic and manly and thoughtful and chill.
I want someone who makes me smile each day and will be there for me no matter what.
He has to love music and enjoy going to concerts.
If he plays an instrument, is creative in his career, or rides a motorcycle - even better.
I want someone who wants to get married and start a life with me.
and I know I deserve all of these things and more.

Its' you, not me

You say you love me, but not enough
her afflictions to you have just been too much
you walk around like you are so upset, get over yourself, this i will not bet
you talk of feelings you don't want to hurt
if you'd look past yourself, you'd realize your worth
i've given you my heart, my soul and my touch
obviously these things just aren't enough
letting go will be the hardest thing
moving on to see what else life can bring
so i'll go on with myself a little bit worn
hopefully the next man will not harbor such scorn.

I will miss you and our "happy little family" more than you will ever realize.

Is Love Enough?

In the age of marriages that never last, is it even worth it to get married? Can love be enough to sustain a relationship without the need for rings and parties and promises?
For me, I want to have a life with someone; to be committed to someone and have that person there at the end of the day to lean on, no matter what kind of day I've had. I've always dreamed of getting married, I suppose it's just that natural progression in life that tugs at my heart. I associate having that ultimate relationship with the ring that goes along with it, the house that we build with one another & the dogs (kids) that we raise together. Is there a need for marriage if the relationship is great? Isn't the love between us be enough that we can be happy enough?
I'm really hoping it is.

Conversation in the lunch room today

A: I think he's gay, he always wears a pink polo, his pants hiked-up all the way and those weird shoes.
T: He went to a restaurant that only serves penis. Of course he's gay.



* Speaking about Andrew Zimmer and his choice of fashion & food.

She doesn't know anymore

She doesn't know her own face anymore
She can't keep up with the fast pace anymore
her mind is running circles round her life, she can't distinguish what is real and what is right
she can hardly survive herself, let alone her children who are trying to help her fight
It's hard to watch from so far, I can only imagine the fight growing inside your head,
you want to run but only find comfort in your bed
What can I do and where should we go?
There is only so much I can know
before you give up this fight with these aching bones you're not really mending
I'm really sick of pretending that everything is gonna be ok
because it won't be that way if you don't try to fight harder
this here sickness has got you down, don't let it get any farther
it gets me so frustrated, this same argument we've been down
I don't know about you, but it's thrown me on the ground
helpless and angry - nothing i can do and no one to save me
Please get back up and start fighting or else before long it'll take over.

Realtionships, what do I know?

Hmmm, where do I even start? I, of all people, have no room to talk about other peoples' relationships. And I guess that's what I want to say.
Every relationship has their own issues, and unless we are in that relationship, we really have no right to judge others for who they go after or which person has made their heart flutter.
The important thing, is to be there for your friend when they need you to listen to what they are going through. Sometimes they don't even want advice from you, they just want a sympathetic ear to say, "Yeah, maybe it is tough, but sometimes it's worth it to find out ."
It irks me when people think that they are right about what their friend should do. Yes, we never want our friend to be hurt, but who are we to say that the decisions they've made are wrong? Sometimes it's that hurt that finds us the right person. It may not be from that relationship they're having troubles with but it makes that person stronger for the next person to come along.
I say go for it, you never know until you try.

It's Better Late than Never?

Hello blog-o-sphere! I have arrived. I know, blogging isn't "cool" anymore. But for those of you who know me, know that I don't follow the trends when they're in.
My brother always said I was a little slow.