Shine on, you crazy diamond

Really? I'm not even sure. Tempers rise, defense is taken, things get left unsaid. What is really important anymore? Is it time or quality? And what if you're not getting either? I wish I weren't so high-maintenance, maybe then I'd be more understanding. Or maybe I need to find my own things to do. Maybe I didn't sign up for this. Maybe, I just expected something different. And expectations are the killer - we should just lay it all on the line before we start. Listen, so and so, I expect this from you, can you deliver? No, ok, I'm out. Yes, well, then lets start something. And it's easy to forget about the little things, 4 years in and you are just going about your business. You don't remember to do those little things that made the start so special, and the other person is to blame too. It's no ones fault, but who's to stop the madness and make things right before it goes too far. You? him? All I know now is that I miss the run-jump-hug. The gazelle. All the time we took for ourselves. Maybe things always get like this, with all couples, and I'm just taking it too hard. But I miss the old us, with our tight bond and the love that outshone all the diamonds in the world. Why did it have to fade? Can we get it back?

Jump Start

Quick, does anyone have some jumper cables I can borrow? No, my car is just fine. It's me; I'm the one in need of a jump start.

That herb garden I want to build - hasn't been done, except for an idea of what I want. Those paints in your closet that have been packed away since *GASP* November! when I moved in - untouched. That cute little chalk board that I saw on a blog that I have coveted and want to make for myself - just a twinkle in my eye. The Florida room needs new curtains, paint and some rearranging - that I need help with, but it still needs to be done.

I can't figure out why I can't get myself going. Do I need my own space to create? Does the dreaded TV suck me in and steal my ambition?

I'm gonna start with making goals for myself and writing them here, out in the world, so that I have to follow through.

First, let's start with making a space to do these things. Once the Florida room is finished I will get an art table in there to keep my things and create a space for myself. Next, let's make that chalk board so I can write down what my next project will be and keep me focused.

That's enough for now - I will keep you posted on how things are going and report back here. I'll even post pictures of my projects and keep the blog updated.
This should be fun!

Positive Vibrations

My energy as of late has not been positive. I'm not exactly sure what's caused this shift from very high to kinda low, but I have to remember to keep a positive outlook on everything. It's easy to get caught up in the "He didn't do this," "she does this," "I can't believe this happened" thoughts that spin in my head.
When I was younger I used to read books of positive affirmations; just little sayings that are supposed to lift your spirits. Some days I would read pages of the books until I found one that fit, other days I would read the first page I opened to and keep that affirmation for the day. I haven't done this in years (although, I still do own these books), but i think it's time to whip them out.
I think I forget that positive thoughts breed a positive outlook and create a good energy in your world.
I'm in need of some reinforcement now, because really, who wants to be around a whiner? And that's how I feel right now. boo hoo.

Jive Turkey

So, you thought I forgot about you guys, right? Never! It's just that I've been BUSY. Moving, packing, cleaning. yuck. I hope I never have to do that again. ever. again.
But on to the recap of my life:
I live with Mike now. I haven't officially unpacked everything, but I'm close. It's good so far. Real good. Being close to him & Sunny. Having someone cook for me, rub my feet and be an all around sweet heart. (maybe I shoulda thought of this sooner)
I met my new "nephew" over the weekend. Felicia & Kenny brought the cutest, most chill baby boy into the world. Congrats to them and hopefully I will be back soon to hang with him again. I love those cute little pudgy, droopy knees.
My mother has moved in with her "ex". yikes. If he hurts her again I will grab my brother & his guns and go to Connecticut and kill him. that is all I have to say.
Work has been hella busy, which is good. I love looking up at the clock to find out it's lunch time and then again when it's almost time to go. I hope this momentum keeps going.
My friend "Roxy" has found out she has fibroids and cysts on her girl parts. My thoughts and prayers go out to her as I wish her a full, uneventful recovery. And if you haven't been to your lady doctor for your yearly physical, you should go - annual check-ups would have prevented the onslaught of ER bills and the pain it has caused her. Just saying.
Thursday is Turkey Day and I plan to spend it with my family & Mike's. I'm sure it will be a fun-filled day. I know I have lots to be thankful for. I really do understand how lucky this girl is.
Gobble, gobble. Happy Thanksgiving!

Moving on...over

To a deluxe house down the street.
Yep, that's right folks, you heard it here first. I'm moving into Mike's house. Me, Mikey and Sunny - all one happy family.
I have to admit it though, at first I was less than excited about it. I still have my apprehensions, don't get me wrong. I'm leaving my little piece of SoFla and renting it out, to have who knows what done to it, and moving in with my boyfriend of 3 years. I guess in the grand scheme of things I at least didn't jump into the situation. I waited and thought it through and (hopefully) have made a logical/correct decision of it.
I guess you'll never know until you try. I know myself. I know that I have the biggest fear of commitment a girl can have. But I do truly love Micheal; he makes me happy, I love our dog, I love being with them both and I want to have someone to come home to at the end of the day. I guess I'm ready for the next honest step. Not just "playing house" really, truly giving myself to someone.
Yikes! Did I just say that. I'm making a commitment to someone. Our things will now mingle with one another. Our DVDs will co-habitat, our laundry will be done together (speaking of that, we need a bigger hamper); our worlds will collide.
And you know what...I think I'm ready for that.

Oh Dear!

Dear Handbag Designers,
Not all woman like to carry luggage around. Some of us like small purses. Can you please accommodate us little people?
It would be appreciated,
Lexilou

Dear Barrier Reef,
You guys rock. You pulled through when I was just about to give up on my tank. Thanks for making it less costly for me. The fishies are happy. And so am I.
Swim free,
Lexilou

Dear Doves & Phoenix,
You guys rock. Thanks for making such awesome music. You've given me lots of great music for the summer. (Even if it's not your new music, but old music I stumbled upon.)
Your adoring fan,
Lexilou

Dear magical elves that live in my brain and help me be creative,
I need you right now. Please pull through for me. This project is kinda important.
With much hope,
Lexilou

Dear Hillary with 2 L's,
I like your blog, your sense of humor is spot on. Ever since I read your last post yesterday I've been walking around saying to myself "Dear so & so...", is that weird?
I hope you don't mind me borrowing your post style.
Your fellow blogger,
Lexilou

http://doublethelplease.blogspot.com/

The Secrets That We Keep

Everyone has their secrets, some have more than others. Some people choose to keep secrets from themselves, others from lovers and friends. I like to think that I don't have that many secrets, I like to lay it all on the line and let people take me for what I'm worth.
I have a friend though, let's call her Annie, who keeps secrets from everyone. She'll tell one person part of the story and another person another part of the story. She doesn't think we'll get together and discuss it and find out the whole truth by pasting our segments together. What I want to know is - WHY? We're best friends - the people you should be able to trust with how you live you life. But you aren't telling us the real you. You're hiding from us and deceiving us and sometimes yourself. Why cause yourself all this trouble by creating an "alternate you" and then fretting over it. It must be exhausting trying to remember who you told what to, and what you have to omit from the other conversations.
Just make it easy on yourself Annie, tell people how you feel, be honest with them and maybe they'll trust you a little more. You won't truly find what you're searching for in life until you do this...and I think that's long way off. Sorry to say it, you have some work to do girl.